I Kissed Dating Goodbye – part one
This book was first published over 10 years ago. Because it has been around a while some of the ideas had filtered in to the Christian community. So before I began reading this book I was not unfamiliar with Joshua Harris’s ideas.
In the first part of I Kissed Dating Goodbye (IKDG) Harris draws on his own relationship journey to point out what he sees as wrong with our culture’s dating patterns. His conclusion is two fold. Firstly, he sees the idea of ‘dating’ as being selfish. People enter into a series of short term relationships because it is fun for them, not because they are ready to commit to one person for life . Secondly, he thinks that dating, particularly before you are ready to be married, leads to sexual temptation.
I agree with both these problems. I think that selfishness taints many relationships not just those between single people. The biblical model should be to serve one another. Sadly in our self centred culture the emphasis tends to be on what I can get out of this friendship/relationship, or even church, not how can I serve this person. I think that all Christians could learn from Harris’s reminder to put others first.
On the sexual purity issue Song of Songs 2:7 springs to mind. We know that our culture has a strong emphasis on sex and often upholds it as the most important part of a relationship. This is more of a problem with teens who feel the pressure to conform to societies norms more strongly. I think the message of my youth, which was ‘pair’ off but don’t have sex, is inadequate. The model present by IKDG of not ‘dating’ until you think you are ready to get married removes some of the sexual temptations, or at least the ability to act upon them.
The overall impression this book gave me is of purposefulness. Harris is saying that we should approach romantic relationships with the idea that we might marry the person we are interested in. He also points out that a lot of time is wasted when single people spend time pursuing relationships that break up. Just remember all that time you spent worrying if so and so liked you!
Next, I’ll outline what Harris proposes as the alternative to dating and my opinion of it.
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I have read this book, many years ago before I was married, and thoroughly enjoyed it. From my experience most people who are anti it dont read it or fail to understand the principles that Harris is talking about. His next book, Boy meets Girl, follows on from that one.
I also think those guys that wroye the Boundaries series (townshend???) did a relationship book to counter Harris one.
Since reading that book I have become a fan of Harris and if you like the book I suggest your look at his webpage and his church webpage. He is the senior pastor at Covenant Life Church. I find his sermons excellent (if a little American in places)
Cool blog