I Kissed Dating Good Bye – part three
In this post I will touch briefly on courtship and then move to why IKDG is controversial.
In IKDG Harris doesn’t really go into the process of courtship. This is because Harris has written a whole other book on the subject called ‘Boy Meets Girl’. I haven’t read ‘Boy Meets Girl’ (yet!) but this is what I think Harris means by courtship from IKDG. The courtship process is when when a man decides to approach a women with the view to forming a romantic attachment that will lead to marriage. Harris believes that the initial approach should come through her parents and the courtship process should involve both the man and women’s families. Remembering that Harris advocates no romantic involvement until a couple are ready for marriage, then a move to the courtship process is as good as saying ‘marry me!’ and thus ends single life.
I think that the deliberate nature of the courtship idea fits with the whole philosophy of IKDG. But the ideas presented by Harris are not without criticism. First I should note that Harris’s ideas were not radically new when he published his book in 1997. The seeds of them had been popular, particularly in homeschooling circles. Harris was homeschooled and his parents were early pioneers on the movement in the States. What Harris did was synthesise some of the ideas floating around in to a more coherent package. I’ve read that he ‘popularised’ the courtship movement.
So what do people say is wrong with IKDG.
There are some sites you can look at. One is ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye: Wisdom or Foolishness?’. I don’t know anything about the author of this site as there is no ‘about me’ page but he has commented on my site (Hi Steve). It’s main criticism is that by not dating young people don’t get a chance to interact. When they reach their mid-twenties, and are ready for marriage they behave like 16 year olds. This site also points out that the no-dating philosophy is OK for younger people but what about those in single in their late 20s and 30s? Another criticism is that by not dating and having a long ‘get to know you’ period then couples can get married without really knowing each other.
There are also some articles here. One criticism I read in several places is that the courtship movement was developed as a way for homeschooling parents to control all aspects of their children’s lives, even who they marry.
Just because there are some criticisms of the IKDG philosophy does not mean that the ideas are unbiblical. So stay tuned, in part 4 I’ll express my opinion.
Filed under Christianity, Parenting | Comments (2)2 Responses to “I Kissed Dating Good Bye – part three”
Leave a Reply
Thanks for mentioning my blog. You havesummarized some of the points I make on it.
Probably my biggest point is that those who promote the courtship/groups philosophy typically don’t acknowledge the problems this approach has caused but are quick to mention all the problems with dating.
Even in Josh Harris’s own church he gave a few messages to his church where he acknowledged that was a problem with how singles relate in his own church but so far hasn’t shared this problem on his blog. BTW the church he now pastors has been promoting groups/courtship in some form for over 30 years.
If nothing else, one should be willing to criticize this approach and be aware of its own landmines. Don’t assume it is perfect or superior. Also realize that what might be appropriate for teenagers (like Harris based his book on) might not be correct for older singles.
I am someone in my late 40’s who was involved in a few churches that used this approach and few in leadership were ever willing to admit its own problems.
Thanks again.
Great post. Looking forward to number 4!!